The term “narcissistic father” is not an official diagnosis, but it is a useful way to describe certain behaviors and traits that can have a damaging effect on children. A narcissistic father may be overbearing and controlling, seeking to control every aspect of his children’s lives. He may be domineering and demanding, expecting his children to meet his high standards and always be available to him on his terms. He may also belittle or ignore his children’s feelings and needs, or withdraw love and affection as a way of punishing them.
While all parents can be frustrating at times, a narcissistic father can make life especially difficult for his children. His constant need for attention and approval can leave them feeling neglected or invisible. His demands for perfection can create an atmosphere of fear and anxiety. And his lack of empathy can make it hard for them to form close bonds with others. Over time, these experiences can lead to feelings of low self-worth and insecurity.
If you suspect that your father may be narcissistic, look for the following signs:
• He has an inflated sense of self-importance: He believes he is better than other people, expects special treatment, or requires excessive admiration from others.
Dad was self-centered and pretty vain
Regarding narcissism, dads can be some of the most self-centered and vain people around. They may be preoccupied with their own appearance and always need to look their best. They may also be very self-absorbed, thinking mainly about themselves and their own needs.
Dads who are narcissistic may also have difficulty empathizing with others, including their own children. They may be quick to criticize and find fault in others, while at the same time being extremely sensitive to any criticism directed towards them. Narcissistic dads can also be very controlling and demanding, expecting others to comply with their wishes and demands.
If you think your dad might be a narcissist, there are a few signs you can look for. Does he constantly need to be the center of attention? Does he always have to have things his way? Is he quick to anger or get defensive when someone disagrees with him? If you answered yes to any of these questions, your dad might be exhibiting some narcissistic tendencies.
Of course, not all dads who are narcissistic are bad people. In fact, many narcissists can actually be quite successful in life due to their confidence and drive. However, if you feel like your dad’s narcissism is causing problems in your relationship or impacting how he interacts with you and your family, it might be time to talk to him about it.
Dad used people for his own good
If your father has a history of using people for his own gain, it’s likely he’s a narcissist. Narcissists are expert manipulators, and they often use people to get what they want. They may pretend to be interested in you, only to turn around and use your information or resources for their own benefit. They may also make promises they never intend to keep, or lie and cheat in order to get ahead.
If your father frequently puts his own needs above yours, it’s another sign that he’s a narcissist. Narcissists are notoriously self-centered and tend to view other people as objects or means to an end rather than as individuals with their own needs and feelings. This can make it difficult for them to empathize with others or even see them as human beings worthy of respect. If your father regularly belittles or dismisses your feelings, this is another red flag that he may be a narcissist.
If you suspect that your father is a narcissist, it’s important to take steps to protect yourself from his manipulative behavior. Keep communication with him to a minimum, and don’t share any personal information or resources that he could use against you later on. It’s also important to set boundaries with him and make it clear that you won’t tolerate being treated disrespectfully or used as a pawn in his games. If necessary, distance yourself from him emotionally and physically in order to preserve your own sanity and well-being.
Dad was charismatic
When I was younger, my father was always the life of the party. He was always surrounded by people and always had a big smile on his face. He was charming and funny and everyone seemed to love him. I thought he was perfect.
However, as I got older, I started to see another side of my father. His need for attention and admiration became overwhelming. He would get angry if he didn’t get his way or if someone dared to challenge him. He would constantly talk about himself and how great he was, expecting everyone to agree with him.
If someone didn’t give him the attention he felt he deserved, he would become sullen and withdraw from them. His moods would swing wildly from one extreme to the other depending on how well things were going for him at any given moment.
Looking back, I can see that my father suffered from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration and attention, and lack empathy for others.1 My father ticked all of those boxes-and then some!
While some narcissists can be delightful company when things are going their way, they can also be manipulative, controlling, and downright abusive when they don’t get what they want. Unfortunately, I experienced firsthand how destructive my father could be when his needs weren’t being met…
No one had an imagination like Dad
Dad was always the life of the party. He loved to entertain and make people laugh. His energy was infectious, and everyone gravitated towards him. He was the center of attention wherever he went, and he loved it. Dad never met a stranger; he was always happy to chat with anyone who crossed his path.
He had a way of making everyone feel special and important. Dad made us feel like we could accomplish anything we set our minds to. He believed in us unconditionally and supported our dreams wholeheartedly. We always knew that no matter what happened in life, Dad would be there for us cheering us on every step of the way.
Dad was one of a kind, and there will never be another man like him in our lives.
Dad’s rage was truly scary
It was like he could barely keep himself together. His eyes would bulge and veins would pop out in his neck and forehead. He would scream and curse at us kids, often for no reason at all. I can remember being afraid to even look at him when he was in one of his rages.
Sometimes he would hit us, or throw things at us. Once he even chased my brother around the house with a knife. Thankfully my mom was always there to intervene before things got too out of hand, but even she couldn’t always stop him.
I used to wonder what it was that made my dad so angry all the time. I now know that it was likely due to his own unresolved childhood trauma and mental health issues, but at the time I just thought he was a monster.
Dad could be aloof and unsympathetic
If your father was always distant and unemotional, it’s possible he was a narcissist. A narcissistic father is someone who is self-centered and lacks empathy for others. He may be charming and charismatic in public, but in private he can be cold and calculating. He may also be quick to anger and have a need for control. If you grew up with a narcissistic father, you may have experienced emotional abuse or neglect. You may feel like you could never please him or that he was never really there for you. As an adult, you may find yourself struggling with low self-esteem or chronic anxiety. If you think your father might be a narcissist, it’s important to seek professional help to deal with the pain of your childhood experiences.